Tonight is one of the cross quarter days and Celtic Fire Festivals, Candlemas or Imbolc. It is particularly directed towards celebrating the triple goddess, Brigit; poetry and eloquence; and purification for fertility. Until fairly recently, I have been caught up in trying to stay sane as a parent of a severely disabled child. My spiritual life, as per Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, has been on the back shelf (except for teaching yoga and frequent cries of "Goddess!" and "God help me!"). This year, though, I am bringing it back to the forefront. It started with a wonderful Solstice celebration with some women friends and today moves back into the realm of Toltec Wisdom and Vedic practices.
I am also thinking of the irony of the festival in terms of astrology. Brigid is the bright arrow of Celtic mythology, but Mars, the bright arrow of our sky, is in Leo, a fire sign, appropriate to the day, BUT it is retrograde. Here we have some examples:
Today, Sam's augmentative communication teacher was finally supposed to come over and install Boardmaker on my computer, so I can make his communication boards on demand. She cancelled as she is sick. She is otherwise fantastic and supportive, but these damned retrogrades (Saturn, though happy in Libra, is also retro).
Today, I am supposed to begin my new class, Embodying Ancient Wisdom, Toltec and Yogic wisdom practices. Nobody has registered, even though lots of people have said they want to come. Perhaps the timing is bad, who knows. Blast that Mars retrograde, anyway.
So much for eloquence and healing (Brigid's other sideline).
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
How an Eclipse Hits Us
The December 31 Lunar Eclipse (at 10 degrees Cancer) fell exactly on my son, Sam's, natal Sun. Because he was born on a full moon, the lunar eclipse also fell exactly opposite his natal moon (10 degrees Capricorn). This particular lunar eclipse was in Saros Cycle 12 North which, to quote Bernadette Brady, heralds sudden "opportunities to accept greater responsibility--often due to some sort of loss."
I am interested to see how this plays out, affecting Sam's Sun in the second house: basic self-view, strong males in his life, his personal resources, what he values. Traditionally, eclipses are associated with letting go and play out over a course of up to 6 months. One looks to where this falls in one's chart. We only feel them strongly if they hit a key point in our natal chart. Eclipses to a personal planet, especially a luminary (sun or moon) or key angle (ascendant, descendant, nadir or midheaven) have a tremendously transformational effect.
For Sam, I hope simply be growing up, letting go of baby things and maturing emotionally. Perhaps to use this energy to its best effect, we must ask him to amature, to be more independent, despite the fact that he almost cannot use his hands and can barely speak. If forced to it, he may become more able to play alone and find his own strength. That's my hope.
This eclipse could refer to any other number of more intense changes or loss--although cutting off some of Sam's comfort and ease is no walk in the park. This eclipse fell in my eight house--(shared resources, sex, death) and made aspects to my natal 4th house Saturn and 9th Venus. But not super-tight aspects. Well, ok, 2 to 3 degrees, but not exact. And it hits my husband's natal moon, aspects his natal Venus.
Hey, I am not nervous. Nope, not worrying about potential loss in my child's, my husband's and my life causing us to take on more responsibilities in these areas. Oh, I am so relaxed. yup.
I am interested to see how this plays out, affecting Sam's Sun in the second house: basic self-view, strong males in his life, his personal resources, what he values. Traditionally, eclipses are associated with letting go and play out over a course of up to 6 months. One looks to where this falls in one's chart. We only feel them strongly if they hit a key point in our natal chart. Eclipses to a personal planet, especially a luminary (sun or moon) or key angle (ascendant, descendant, nadir or midheaven) have a tremendously transformational effect.
For Sam, I hope simply be growing up, letting go of baby things and maturing emotionally. Perhaps to use this energy to its best effect, we must ask him to amature, to be more independent, despite the fact that he almost cannot use his hands and can barely speak. If forced to it, he may become more able to play alone and find his own strength. That's my hope.
This eclipse could refer to any other number of more intense changes or loss--although cutting off some of Sam's comfort and ease is no walk in the park. This eclipse fell in my eight house--(shared resources, sex, death) and made aspects to my natal 4th house Saturn and 9th Venus. But not super-tight aspects. Well, ok, 2 to 3 degrees, but not exact. And it hits my husband's natal moon, aspects his natal Venus.
Hey, I am not nervous. Nope, not worrying about potential loss in my child's, my husband's and my life causing us to take on more responsibilities in these areas. Oh, I am so relaxed. yup.
Friday, December 25, 2009
A Great Christmas
Sam has a new adapted trike that he loves and could not get enough of this morning...AND momma Santa has given Sam and his Dad a set of foam swords for working out those frustrations. He also likes that, but most fun has been revisiting a Thomas the Train set which a neighbor gave us a few years back. In fact, here it is almost 1 PM and he hasn't opened three of his gifts because he has been having so much fun. Ah Christmas, before greed takes hold.
This year, Sam has made great advances in his understanding of Christmas. He went to a Christmas show about the Troll King trying to steal Christmas by kidnapping Santa. He held Grandma's hand when the scary Troll King was on stage and loved the singing. He loves the Christmas tree and has been pointing out all the neighborhood lights to us. We have watched Emmet Otter's Christmas approximately 500 times. He has been very excited for the past 2 nights and had difficulty staying asleep. We still have to work on the concept of giving. Maybe next year. Merry Christmas
This year, Sam has made great advances in his understanding of Christmas. He went to a Christmas show about the Troll King trying to steal Christmas by kidnapping Santa. He held Grandma's hand when the scary Troll King was on stage and loved the singing. He loves the Christmas tree and has been pointing out all the neighborhood lights to us. We have watched Emmet Otter's Christmas approximately 500 times. He has been very excited for the past 2 nights and had difficulty staying asleep. We still have to work on the concept of giving. Maybe next year. Merry Christmas
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What to do for Tears?
Today, Sam tried to tell me something, I don't know what. He gestured, he spoke, he became progressively louder and more intense. Then tears started running down his face because I simply did not know and could not respond in the way he desired. What is one to do? Talking and hand use, (manipulating tools) are the two things that really make us human. I truly don't give a £$%£GIB###@# if he ever walks, but if he never uses his hands and mouth well, he is stuck. How can he hope to enjoy being alive? Staying in gratitude with his health or our relative wealth (we have work, we can just about pay our mortgage) is damned difficult sometimes. I feel dried up and wrung out, with most of my joy leached out at these moments. I never used to be this bitter.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Shoeless House and Eating Chemical Free
How different is our house and life? Well, I try to be green, keep my family safe from toxins and environmental hazards. One "easy" way to do this is the shoeless house...except...Sam cannot go shoeless because he needs his foot braces, which require some sort of shoes. I suppose I could try, every time we go in and out to not only remove my shoes, but struggle his sneakers off of his AFO'S and struggle on a slipper over them. We try to let him feel walking barefoot now and then and going without AFOS (braces) to roll on the carpet, kept clean by our shoeless ways...except...his mobility equipment (wheelchair, bronco, walker) have all rolled through whatever is on the street, park grass, sidewalk and is rolling all over our carpet. Well, you do what you can. Fortunately I have been a do your best, middle ground sort of woman for a while now.
BPA's, plastics, I try to avoid. Healthful food practices and eating is important to me--I store Sam's liquid food in glass (even though part of it comes in those forever storage boxes like rice milk does) but he has to eat out of plastic, because his hands are not strong enough to lift ceramic cups or most metal cups (we have one that works, bless e-bay). Most parents, when they feed their kids, cook, sit the kids down (or have the kids set the table) and then they all eat together as a family. We feed Sam the way one feeds a baby who cannot eat by himself. It is messy as he is still learning and whoever is doing the feeding must wait to eat until later ( it frequently takes Sam an hour to eat). Also, for a variety of reasons, Sam cant eat much of what Jason and I eat. He is at least interested in sampling it now, which is very exciting. More on Sam's diet later.
Most of our time is spent eating (feeding Sam). But when we are finished, he is not likely to pursue his own interests as he can only do a few things independently. He does go through glorious phases of playing independently for 10-15 minutes. If I sound defensive around our time, it is probably because I feel pressure from the educator front for not doing more literacy and communication tasks and programming his talker all the time and from the occupational therapy front for not practicing more mouth and hand stimulation activities and from the physical therapy front for not stretching him more and practicing with the walker and crawling. Meanwhile. Sam would like to play with the fan, thanks. Yes, it is breezy at our house. we have lots of fans.
BPA's, plastics, I try to avoid. Healthful food practices and eating is important to me--I store Sam's liquid food in glass (even though part of it comes in those forever storage boxes like rice milk does) but he has to eat out of plastic, because his hands are not strong enough to lift ceramic cups or most metal cups (we have one that works, bless e-bay). Most parents, when they feed their kids, cook, sit the kids down (or have the kids set the table) and then they all eat together as a family. We feed Sam the way one feeds a baby who cannot eat by himself. It is messy as he is still learning and whoever is doing the feeding must wait to eat until later ( it frequently takes Sam an hour to eat). Also, for a variety of reasons, Sam cant eat much of what Jason and I eat. He is at least interested in sampling it now, which is very exciting. More on Sam's diet later.
Most of our time is spent eating (feeding Sam). But when we are finished, he is not likely to pursue his own interests as he can only do a few things independently. He does go through glorious phases of playing independently for 10-15 minutes. If I sound defensive around our time, it is probably because I feel pressure from the educator front for not doing more literacy and communication tasks and programming his talker all the time and from the occupational therapy front for not practicing more mouth and hand stimulation activities and from the physical therapy front for not stretching him more and practicing with the walker and crawling. Meanwhile. Sam would like to play with the fan, thanks. Yes, it is breezy at our house. we have lots of fans.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Kindergarten and On-Going Life With Sam
Whew, Sam has been in Kindergarten for a few weeks now. We are pulling him out a little early each day to make sure he gets what he needs. He loves school, but is stressed out and it shows in many ways. He can pick out letters and is showing great improvement in focusing on his work. Getting him to rely less and focus less on adults is tricky. He starves himself as a protest for being singled out from his class. The first two and a half weeks, he started waking every few hours all night long. He doesn't like to eat or go to the bathroom at school. Yesterday, he was disturbed and scared of the pencil sharpener. Hopefully, this will pass quickly. I am also having a tough time adjusting.
After all the struggle about getting Sam into a charter school, I am now very happy he is in the neighborhood school. They are doing an amazing job with him, now that they see he is smart and working at grade level with his letters and numbers. I am excited to see more of that.
It seems that the current batch of teachers, speech therapists, etc., are starting from the correct idea that Sam is smart and should be treated accordingly. We are keeping him with shorter days to compensate for his not eating enough...and for how tired he gets. For a kid with spastic quadriplegia, just holding a pencil or eating takes as much effort as it would take for a regular kid to run the length of a football field. Everything takes so much longer and he has to fight his own muscles to do it.
I am looking into getting Sam a helper dog...boy are the requirements stringent. It sure makes me mad, seeing what the animals and the handlers go through to produce a canine companion/assistant dog, when folks lie about their own "assistant dogs" simply for their own convenience.
After all the struggle about getting Sam into a charter school, I am now very happy he is in the neighborhood school. They are doing an amazing job with him, now that they see he is smart and working at grade level with his letters and numbers. I am excited to see more of that.
It seems that the current batch of teachers, speech therapists, etc., are starting from the correct idea that Sam is smart and should be treated accordingly. We are keeping him with shorter days to compensate for his not eating enough...and for how tired he gets. For a kid with spastic quadriplegia, just holding a pencil or eating takes as much effort as it would take for a regular kid to run the length of a football field. Everything takes so much longer and he has to fight his own muscles to do it.
I am looking into getting Sam a helper dog...boy are the requirements stringent. It sure makes me mad, seeing what the animals and the handlers go through to produce a canine companion/assistant dog, when folks lie about their own "assistant dogs" simply for their own convenience.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Humility and What I (don't) Know
Boost Camp, a month of five hours of physical therapy called Conductive Education, which we bracket with two hours of driving, is over for '09. Sam works sooooo hard. As do I and my mom, who comes down to help so I can take an hour or so off during the day. The other kids (eight of them this year) are also physically handicapped. Most of them have cerebral palsy, some also have seizures, some have genetic disorders. Some are exceedingly functional but have some trouble walking or balancing. Some have much more pervasive issues. The kids, most of whom spend a lot of time watching able bodied people succeed and have fun, get to watch people like themselves work, play and succeed. It is an amazing month with inspiring parents, grandparents, caregivers, Conductors and high school or junior high volunteers cheering on our kids.
This year we saw a monumental change in two of the girls. One in particular brought me such a sense of humility. Her grandma always awes me because she has sole care of this teenager who does not speak, seizes, uses a feeding tube, and has a myriad of other things going on. Her mother is not alive. This girl, I thought last year, was not very present or alert. Her tongue thrusting and self injurious behavior led me to believe she didn't notice or care about much.
Boy was I wrong. This year she is alight with interest in the world. She has started eating. At 14 years old, after tube feeding for over a decade she wants to and is eating. She follows directions and responds appropriately to questions and directions. She uses a switch to communicate. She is less self-injurious (perhaps because she is less frustrated, who knows). Often it looks as if these kids are not looking or listening because their heads are twisted around, their eyes are not focused on what we are pointing to. Nonetheless, all the kids at Boost, respond by reaching and getting what we are talking about (a switch, a communication device, a ring or bar).
All in all, I am humbled as I realize that I know nothing about what is happening with these non-verbal kids who are stuck inside themselves. They have whole worlds which they don't get to share. One of the other moms and one of the conductors both told me that often these kids play inside their heads. What a difference from the attitudes of educators I have encountered who imply that these kids are simply lacking intelligence. In fact, one past implied that since Sam looked back and forth quickly between his choices, he simply could not communicate. I truly wish Sam's teachers will be more in line with the Conductive Education philosophy.
This year we saw a monumental change in two of the girls. One in particular brought me such a sense of humility. Her grandma always awes me because she has sole care of this teenager who does not speak, seizes, uses a feeding tube, and has a myriad of other things going on. Her mother is not alive. This girl, I thought last year, was not very present or alert. Her tongue thrusting and self injurious behavior led me to believe she didn't notice or care about much.
Boy was I wrong. This year she is alight with interest in the world. She has started eating. At 14 years old, after tube feeding for over a decade she wants to and is eating. She follows directions and responds appropriately to questions and directions. She uses a switch to communicate. She is less self-injurious (perhaps because she is less frustrated, who knows). Often it looks as if these kids are not looking or listening because their heads are twisted around, their eyes are not focused on what we are pointing to. Nonetheless, all the kids at Boost, respond by reaching and getting what we are talking about (a switch, a communication device, a ring or bar).
All in all, I am humbled as I realize that I know nothing about what is happening with these non-verbal kids who are stuck inside themselves. They have whole worlds which they don't get to share. One of the other moms and one of the conductors both told me that often these kids play inside their heads. What a difference from the attitudes of educators I have encountered who imply that these kids are simply lacking intelligence. In fact, one past implied that since Sam looked back and forth quickly between his choices, he simply could not communicate. I truly wish Sam's teachers will be more in line with the Conductive Education philosophy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
